When God Tells a Bad Joke

Yes. It is I. Back from the grave. From the depths of the Earth’s core. Alas – Kelly’s blog.


It’s been months since my last post, and although I do apologize to you all, I should really be apologizing to myself. It helped me stay on track with my schedule, faith, and especially my coding skillz. (Really, though. WhatdoIdowithmyhands?) Back in the ye olde blogging days, I was fairly in tune with my thoughts and emotions. So what about the Kelly without a blog? The Kelly who was thiiiiis close to deleting this entire thing from existence? What’s been going on with her the past few months? A giant mess. That’s what. Let me explain…

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Dare to be a Damn Daniel

If you haven’t been living under a rock lately, chances are you’ve seen the video of a boy named Daniel being followed by his friend who seems to like his choice in shoes. A pair of white Vans, specifically. In an effort to keep the gospel relevant, I headed over to the book of, you guessed it, Daniel for some insight. As crazy as it may sound, I was able to find some common ground between Biblical Daniel and Video Daniel who’s “back at it again with the white vans!”

Every time I think about the original video, or watch him on the Ellen Show, first I laugh for about two minutes, then I start to feel bad for the guy. No matter where he goes for the rest of his life, no matter what he does, whether he’s being greeted, encouraged, or scolded, he’ll hear “Daaaamn Daniel!”. He will never be able to wear the lifetime of Vans he was given by Ellen, unless he wants to hear the coined phrase in an infinite loop. This video was his big break that one could say will define him for the rest of his life. Or maybe the rest of his semester at school. Or maybe until the next video goes viral (aka my life dream, aka find me on snapchat, aka @itskellyrenee. Shameless plugs, man.)

But how can this relate to the Bible at all?  Ho ho ho, let me tell you *eyebrow raise* *double finger pistols* *tear rolls down my face because I hate me too*

Video Daniel became widely known for fast-paced walking while wearing stylish shoes. Biblical Daniel is also widely-known, but for his character; he was a vessel filled with humility, constant prayer, trust in God, and commitment. Those are some solid things to be known for #lifegoals. What’s one thing that others would say emulates your entire being? What’s your “Damn insert name here. Back at it again with insert common identifying occurrence here“?


I’m going to stop here and admit that mine would probably have to do with my want for acceptance. I often wonder what people would say about me at my funeral, who would attend, and what songs would be chosen. (Hint: Mambo #5 on repeat, please. You think I’m kidding…) In my opinion , it’s important that your beliefs carry over into your everyday actions – your “Damn Daniel”. When we read about Biblical Daniel, we can come up with his phrase pretty easily. His would be: Damn Daniel. Back at it again with the relentless faith and trust in God!

… aka I’m slacking. As true and faithful Christians, we should strive to have a similar defining phrase. Right now, mine’s looking like: Damn Kelly, back at it again with the fear of sharing your faith/inconsistent prayer…and overuse of the word literally. BUT! I’m aiming for a more Daniel-y phrase:

  • Damn Kelly, back at it again with the relatable bridge from reality to Biblical truths.
  • Damn Kelly, back at it again with a bold faith and never-ending encouragement to others.
  • Damn Kelly, back at it again with the compassion and patience the world needs.
  • Damn Kelly, back at it again with the good hair or funny one-liners.

Hehe only kidding about the last one, but hey, a girl can dream! What’s your phrase? Is it what you want it to be? If not, what’s your #phrasegoals? Let me know – I’m begging to hear what you have to say!





Surviving Valentine’s Day in Zero Steps

It’s February, you know the drill. *cue the giant teddy bears, candy hearts (ew), and flowers* Who else gets a little anxious walking down the Valentine’s Day aisle at the grocery store? Should I pretend I’m too cool for Valentine’s Day this year and wear my most bitter shade of black? Do I embrace the holiday as a single gal with open, but certainly not full, arms? Ah, maybe I should send my mom a gift, but that would mean having to go to the post office, and, um, nope. Side note, how do those stuffed animals even fit through a door? Must take a lot of love and effort from someone. Wait, I kind of want a Valentine… But what does that even mean? HELP.


So because my brain is the way it is, process-oriented and all, I Googled where Valentine’s Day comes from to get a good starting point.  I couldn’t really get a clear answer and these were my choices:

  • A priest named Valentine performed secret marriages (scandalous) after an emperor ordered young men against marrying because bachelors make for better soldiers.
  • A man named Valentine fell in love with a girl while he was in jail.  Just before he died he wrote her a love letter and signed it, “From your Valentine” (… waiting on the romantic part…)

Either way, those stories kiiind of suck. Now that I think it over, what is the craze really about? Definitely not a random, old, or imprisoned dude named Valentine, but what we care about is the whole love part. Right? I think we can all agree what’s most important on the day of LuVvVv is that we know what love is and where (who) it comes from. 

Who remembers the television show Run’s House?! Run DMC’s Rev. Run ended every episode taking a bubble bath where he said it best: “God is love”. That always sounded pretty cheesy to me, but it couldn’t be more true. The very first thing God did was love. He didn’t have to warm up to us, go through ups and downs with us, or even learn our deepest darkest secrets in order to love us. He just did. He just does. He loves us no matter what we’re doing, no matter when we’re doing it. So many times in rom-coms we get so enamored by the fact that person A made this sacrifice for person B, person A bought this and that for person B, or person A did made an Instagram-worthy gesture out of love for person B.  That’s neat and all, but an even bigger display of love was made over 2000 years ago by someone who loves you way more than Jack loved Rose.  God made history’s greatest sacrifice for us before Nicholas Sparks even knew how to write. YEET.

Although Valentine’s Day is mostly celebrated by couples and dreaded by singles, it’s a day we should all take part in – because we’re all loved. Sure, feigning bitterness might seem like the trendy or clever thing to do, but we all know love is actually really cool. We all know its worth, we all know the power of it, and we all know the importance of it. We know these things because we know what the OG love looked like.  The more something looks like God, the more it looks like love. You can’t have one without the other (aww!), they go hand in hand (awwww!)

So when February 14 rolls around, I hope you remember this post and I also hope you eat that whole box o’ chocolates. Maybe your day won’t be aww-worthy, but its certainly awe-worthy. God is luv, Rev Kelber.



Things to Leave in 2015

Here we are, three weeks into 2016. Are you still going to the gym daily? Have you cursed your boss under your breath yet? Did you call your mother?! While those are relatively good and responsible resolutions to have, let’s be real for a minute. There are some things that reeeeally should have been left in 2015, but are clearly still lingering! That’s what I’m here for. Or should I say that’s what we’re here for. I teamed up with a few funny ladies in the bloggin’ biz for their input on the “Things to Leave in 2015” list.
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It’s Christmas time, y’all! Families are preparing for travel, standard shipping doesn’t exist, and your pants already don’t fit. Even though I’m perpetually cold and layering clothes pisses me off, Christmas is my favorite time of the year! Family, food, fun – GIMME ALL OF IT.

No matter where you are, chances are Christmas music is playing in the background! The Frank Sinatra Christmas album is my fave, FYI. Out of all the classics, there’s a song we all know and love – the 12 Days of Christmas. I took a second to read the lyrics and learned that it’s actually, maybe, definitely the strangest tune out there, second to the “I’m in love wit da Coco” song. I cringe. Continue reading

So Fresh ‘n So Clean…ish

This May I moved into a cute lil apartment, in a cute lil neighborhood, with a cute lil roommate – my sister, Jessica. Sleeping fifty feet from my best friend, wearing whatever I want, eating her food, and singing in the shower are a couple of perks I’ve been enjoying since moving in. However, one thing I tend to grumble about is Continue reading

X + Y = Z

Yesterday I posted a short rant of some things I wish would fall off the face of the earth. Although I still mean every word, I want to switch gears to something new. I’m definitely one to dwell on things and at this rate may end up the most bitter old woman. BUT! I wanted to post a follow-up. An afterword. An encore? I’m babbling. You get it. Continue reading

the extra mile

In a world full of motivational speakers and self-help books, I’m sure we have all heard the saying “go the extra mile”. If you’re anything like me, you start wondering where these sayings are even from and who made them up? I would say I’m either curious or just straight-up annoying. Probably annoying. Definitely annoying. Continue reading

the golden rule

When you read that title, what’d you think? It seems mostly everyone on Earth can agree that the golden rule makes perfect sense, should be followed by all, and is one of the first lessons you learn as a child. What does the golden rule really mean, though? At face value, here are some examples of the golden rule:

  • Don’t cut someone off while driving, unless you’d like to be cut off
  • Don’t put laxatives in your Mom’s coffee, unless you fancy the taste of laxatives in your coffee
  • Buy a friend a pet salamander, if you would want a friend to buy you a pet salamander

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